Repeating?

Most of those Orben books were written right after WWII, so some of the references in them are really arcane.

Orben was probably in his early 20's when he wrote most of them. He was a writer for Pres. Ford, later. He used to keep three radios (later television sets) going at all times, so anytime someone told a joke or made a blooper, he was able to write it down. He had a comedy service (Orben, not Ford!) that went out once a month to his subscribers. They got a booklet that was about 100 pages.

Most material in books like this needs to be heavily modified.

I write most of my own stuff. I hired a comedy writer one time to write some material for me. This was a really good writer. He watched my show three or four times. Then he came back a week later with three pages of material.

He said, "Look this over. If you think you can use it, pay me $10 per page. Otherwise, just return it."

I told him that it wouldn't be fair to him if I did that, because I have a photographic memory (or I did then. I think I need a new memory card sometimes, now!) and if I looked the pages over, I would be bound to remember most of the material. If I inadvertently used something I had not paid for, then I would be unintentionally stealing from him. So I offered him $15, sight unseen. He said that was fair.

There was not ONE SINGLE LINE I could use.

I'm not saying that nobody can write for me. I'm just saying that he didn't understand my style or my persona. I can do lines. But when I'm doing my show, the lines have to fit me.

Something else to watch out for is people who really don't understand the difference between wit and comedy. A witty person is someone who says funny things. A comic is someone who says things funny.

Comedy magic is a very personal thing. I believe that when you do comedy magic, the magic and the comedy need to be able to stand on their own. The elements, combined properly, will cause the result to be synergistic -- the result will be greater than the sum of the parts.

Back to Orben (pardon this "stream of consciousness" writing please) -- I remember a reference to a talent show. In major cities, there used to be talent shows at the movies. Most of the older movie houses had been vaudeville theatres, so they actually had stages. The contestants would come out and do a short piece, then the audience would judge them by applause. Sometimes the prizes were pretty decent.

Orben described one of these. He made a reference to an act that had a "ruptured duck" the size of a silver dollar on his lapel.

The Ruptured Duck was the slang term that WW II veterans used for the Honorable Discharge pin that veterans were/are authorized to wear on their lapels and/or uniforms. You don't see many of them now, but there is a web site devoted to them right here http://www.americanwarlibrary.com/theduck.htm .

The actual size of the pin is about the same as a quarter from wingtip to wingtip. I had been going through some of my father's WW II memorabilia (he had been a warrant officer in the Army Air Corps during the War) and I saw that pin. I asked what it was, and he told me it was a Ruptured Duck.

Anyway, the idea was that if you had one of these on your lapel, everyone who saw it would know that you were an honorably discharged veteran, and they would feel obligated to applaud more loudly for you.

Even though the badge is still authorized, I haven't seen one since I was a kid. So that gives you an idea of how dated the Orben material was.

Still, I'll admit that I have gotten more than one gig from that single line of Yiddish!

I was doing a trade show at a local mall, and a bearded fellow with a black overcoat and a fedora, accompanied by a small boy who was wearing a yarmulke (That's one of those "beanies." The Pope wears a red one.) walked by the booth. I ignored the father and spoke to the little boy.

"Hello there, young man, what's your name?"

"Menachem."

"How old are you Menachem?"

"I'm five."

"Well, a gezinte oyfn deine keppelle, Menachem."

His father's face lit up like he was in a spotlight -- "You're one of US!"

"Nope. Just a sympathizer."

"Why did you learn our language?"

"Because our language shapes our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our language."

"That's wise!"

"Wise goyim. It can happen!"

He is now a friend of mine. He is Rabbi William Traxler, one of the leaders of the Hassidic community in Houston. He hired me for a couple of Passover rallies!

Life is fun, if you can hang on for the ride!